Last year the CBS show Rock Star : INXS twisted the American Idol idea on it's head by using a reality show to help choose the new lead singer for a real, genuine band. In that case it was the group INXS who had lost their singer to a tragedy nearly a decade ago.
9:00 Arrived via the Metro Rail in the Center of Highly-Weird California -the town isn't really a town because it's a marketing campaign - lugging my 20lbs Line-6 Combo Practice Amp and Strat-styled Yamaha guitar and get in the line which extends around the block just as the rain starts to trickle down (and I'm of course thinking -"OH, shit- MY AMP!"). Fortunatey for me- and my amp - the rain was pretty sparse and I had brought a pair of vinyl pants for the stage which double quite nicely as a rain shield for those delicate electronics.
9:30 Line isn't really moving as the doors are supposed to open until 10:00. Some people are clearly nervous, some are beginning to vocalize - while others complain "Oh, no - soon everybodies going to be singing". I'm trying to warm my voice up a bit considering how early it is in the morning, but really doing what I need to do - which is basically screaming at the top of my lungs - just doesn't feel right in such a public space. So instead I settle for option #2, which is to chew some gum and hope it gets rid of that dreaded morning phlem. (It's a singer thang, trust me on that one)
9:46 Camera crew shows up -- so I take a picture of them, taking a picture of the line. They don't say much to many people, until one guy asks me to step back as my pacing out of bordem is messing up his shot. Thanks dude. Thank God I'm not here to be noticed or anything vain like that. I'm just doing it for the da kids. Really. Honest. Cross my heart and hope not to Cheney!
10:00 Doors open, line begins to creep forward once every 10 or 15 mins. Some people have friends who came with them, I don't talk much and try to keep focused on my CD player which has the two tracks that the drummer from my last band Glitched had done a quickie vocal-less remix and emailed to me the day before. I also had "Man in a Box" by Alice in Chains and "Set if Off" from Audioslave on the disc since the requirements were that you be ready to do up to three songs and one had to be a cover. I also had the guitar an amp for doing one of my own original songs depending on where I saw weaknesses in the competition. My number one option though - was use the CD and perform Drown. I knew the song pretty well, and would simply focus on the performance itself without worrying about playing guitar and/or remembering lyrics.
10:45 Some old guy shows up with a "I Support the President" sign. Which generates a few hoots and negative comments from the people in line. Besides being completely wrong-headed politically, this guy with typical Hollywood pay-attention-to-me defecit disorder then starts to dig into us with "Hey, you guys here for Americon Idol? - I love Ryan Seacrest". Hey,doofus, this is ROCK STAR featuring members of Metallica, you might as well have accused us of wearing tutu's and buggering cats - so we toss back -"What do you drink, bathwater?" - and "I hope you reserve your tickets to the Impeachment!". [Later I realize that his sign probably was in response to the Censure Hearings which were talking place in the Senate today, not this this guy was about to deliver a nuanced argument on how the President hasn't willfully violated the law and the 4th Amendment with his NSA Spying program]
It generates about five minutes of fun and foolishness that slightly bonds the hopefuls together, but generally most people are clearly nervous and tightlipped as the entrace to the Knitting Factory looms into view.
11:30 - Inching ever closer.
<>11:55 Starting to move out of the drizzle and into the foyer. A table is setup to accept applications and another camera crew, this one from TV Guide is filming people in line and having them perform their songs. I manage to get a shot of the ever-so-photogenic blond and beeming host.
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But by this point in time, I'm not so worried about singing my song, I'm starting to wonder when and where I'll be able to take a piss. And I'm not the only one, I'd say about 1 in 5 people in line are starting to do the "Pee pee dance".
12:15 We turn in our applications, which basically is a release form for any music your going to perform and allows for CBS to use your likeness how they see fit and royalty free - in perpetuity. Wha-hoo, screwed by "da man" already. (Yeah, that's right - I actually bothered to read it, silly me.
Our pictures are taken with a digital cam, we're given a number (I was #174) and split into two lines -one for odd, one for even- for the impending slaughter like good little cattle. Some people are starting to vocalize more openly and I'm starting to recognize songs. I heard this pretty thrilling three-part harmony Journey song in the background, and then one girl was doing Skid Row's "I Remember You". (Ya aint gonna hear that one on American Idol. Not!).
12:45 Some people are getting their Primp On. One gal in a long leather jacket was having her already sky-high hair touched up by a friend - yeah, just a little more and she'd be have her own personal ozone-hole and be ready to join Vixen circa 1988. (Not that I'm much different with the bottle of Cobalt Blue Spiker in my pocket)
13:00 Still in line, close enough to see the door, pardon the Mike and the Mechanics reference but "All I need is a toilet." and all my tension will flow away like water. In fact, exactly like water.
13:15 I step out of line -(not to worry I'm already tagged and numbered like any good free-range musician should be) - to take a quick look down Hollywood Blvd and see if there are any bathrooms around (yeah, right). There's a little deli, but of course it's "Customers Use Only". I'm not hungry and the last thing I need is something to drink. I head back to the line, and two other guys ask me as soon as I get back - "Did you find a bathroom?". I give 'em the lowdown and they both go for it. A buddy of theirs stays behind to watch their guitars.
13:30 I see that security is letting people into the club one at a time for a bathroom break. Aha, I knew I held out for a reason. Besides if I'd lost it, I had brought a second pair of pants with me anyway. I take my turn and use it as a chance to case the layout. As I come in there's a black guy on stage singing Extreme's "More than Words". He's good, but missing some of the notes. That's a tough song to do properly. They have video setup recording the performance. It's a fairly relaxed atmosphere, not too many onlookers. I don't recognize anyone famous inside, just do my business and head back out.
13:45 The auditioners are grouped into lots of ten to enter the club. I take another quick trip inside to change into my vinyl pants. This time some girl is singing to some punk backing tracks badly off-key. Then a couple minutes later our group goes in. We line up along the wall, and get the low-down from the sound guy. Their only going to let us have part of the song, just enough to get the flavor -- if you're cut off, don't take it personally it's not the "Hook" - everyone gets cut off. You can provide a CD with backing tracks, play along with acoustic guitar - or have a friend do it, or simply sing acapella. The song can be original or a cover. I'm prepared to do all three but choose Door number #1 Johnny since it'll be easiest for me all around and I won't have any distractions (no guitar parts or cover lyrics to remember)
14:00 I'm third in line, the two people ahead of me do "Bring me to Life" by Evanescense (A good pick) and a Cheap Trick song respectively. Both are good, not drop dead awesome - but good.
I go up, and do my thing. I stay relaxed, take control of the stage like I own it. Grab the mic stand and swing it around so I can get my Steven Tyler Mojo going. I don't stand still and sing like everyone else seems to - I jump, pace, dance and Rock Out! I'm not nervous and I don't care that I'm alone on stage, I've played a dozens and dozens clubs like this -- I'm home.(Me - Onstage w/Glitched-- in 2004)
The song flows out of me, and it should since I've already done it hundreds of times in reheasals and on stage with Glitched. The song is Hard rock/Metal, modern sounding but with a strong Metallica vibe - which is most appropriate with Jason Newsted out there watching. It goes just as I planned, and I did it about as well as I could have. Hopefully it translated well onto tape, but I have no idea if it did or not. All I could do is my best. Everything after that is up to them.
(<- Somewhere in the darkness is Jason Newsted, can you find Waldo?)The moment is over fairly quickly - I get some enthusiastic applause from the other contestants. My work is done here, so I quickly change back out of my vinyl pants (they don't breathe so wearing them for longer than a few minutes can get kinda Fong-kay!) and back into my jeans. Jason Newsted is wandering around the back of the club watching, and chatting with the soundguy occasionally.
The other contestants file up, this one guy is onstage while I'm changing is pretty awesome. He has a great look, tats, doing an original song (I think) and sounded very modern like the band H.I.M or My Chemical Romance. He's a strong contender in my book. Later I learn his name is "Toreen". His girlfriend, Christy, is next and after a slightly rocky start she kicks the shit out of Journey's "Seperate Ways". I complement them both, and Christy tells me she's only their because of Toreen and she has bronchitis.
14:20 Before our group is done we have an older heavy-set black guy who is clearly an accomplished jazz singer go up. He sounds great, but I think he's at the wrong audition - this is ROCK STAR, not Lounge Singer. He'll kill 'em on the cocktail circuit - but not Webley Stadium.
Then we have this white kid, about 18-19 in a muscle shirt with well developed pecs and lats. He does Luther Vandrose and oversings it - which itself is quite an accomplishement. He's great too - if he's trying to be the fifth member of N'Suck. His best shot is probably to become Nick Lechey Mark II and see if Jessica's little sister Ashlee Simpson is still dating her slack-rocker boyfriend Ryan. There he might have a shot -here, auditioning to sing for guys who used to be in Metallica, Guns N Roses and Motley Crue? Maybe I'm wrong, but I just don't think so.
One of the last persons up is this girl in a wheel chair. Her mom(?) wheels her up to the mic, and she stands, shakily, to perform Tina Turner's version of "Proud Mary". She doesn't have the greatest voice, but she has the greatest enthusiasm. It isn't long before most of the other contestant, myself included, are singing backups from the audience. She really gets going on the "Doo doo doo" parts, and then kicks it into overtime on the fast part. The soundguy tries to stop here at the normal spot, just like everyone else - but it's no use. She's in the zone. We got Wilamena Hung in da house. Only she's sings better than he did, actually manages to finish the entire song and get a huge set of applause. Hey, could you cut-off somebody in a wheelchair halfway through?Yeah, I could too - but don't spread it around.
The last guy gets an even bigger response doing "Whole Lotta Love" while accompanying himself on an unamplified electric guitar. Without the Marshall's, it's really pretty funny particularly when he gets to the moaning "Oh" parts. "Waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy down insiiiiiiiiidde....". Oh yeah, baby.
What I wouldn't give to see the rest of those tapes, man. That's gotta be a goldmine of amazing moments, but this show is very different from American Idol specifically on that point - they don't broadcast the outakes and subject people to ridicule. I'm doing it here - cuz it's so much fun - but then only the other ten or twelve people in the room saw these performances at the time and most of them have their own opinions about them, including mine. (Hey, what's wrong with that guys pants!!! And why's his hair kinda blue? LOL) If you get out in public to perform, you need to be able to take a lump or two. If you can't take it - don't get on stage.
14:23 Finally out and done, and the line is still pretty long. Only this group of people isn't nearly a nervous and tight-lipped as those I went in with. They're having a great time. It's a party out here -- with tons of people singing all kinds of cover songs. It's like the band camp sing-a-long from hell, dude.
This one guy with a soft-curl fro (pictured right) is pretty much the de-facto band leader with about a half-dozen back-up singers. I joined in and did a couple different versions of "Purple Rain" while cameras scrolled by from some website or the other. I also met a pretty awesome local R&B singer out there by the name of Anthony Powers. (www.anthonypowers.com
I was having so much fun, I decided to hang around. Since I'd already been inside everybody wanted to know the scoop about how it was and what to expect. I borrowed a guitar and played "Hole Hearted" - which was one of my backup songs, although i never have learned all the correct words - which is why I didn't do it inside. Nobody else knew them either, so we were basically even.
(End of the Line)
15:00 I eventually wandered to the back of the line, where there were some others who'd already been in and out hang around doing rock song covers. We did "Patience", "Sweet Child 'O Mine", "My Sacrifice" (with modified lyrics that made fun of Scott Stapp getting beaten up repeatedly), "It's Been Awhile" (Staind) and if - if you can believe this - an acoustic version of System of a Down's "Chop Suey" (!?!).
The other guys who were still in line were Pop and R&B singers -- but this group were ROCK singers and the difference was obvious. These guys even made up a song on the spot called 'Hollywood Blvd" for this website that was filming for Showusyourcharacter.com, which was connected to USA Networks.
(Me with a borrowed Guitar, you can see Brian from Vicious Rumors and Ira from Metal Church walking around in the background in the video from Showusyourcharacter.com where I'm performing a song I didn't do in the audition.)
(Neal, his girlfriend and Shannon, Real Rockers!)   |
Toreen, Christy and someone else from Rockband.com's Pics
The little guy on the right posing is Dave Navarro (Jane's Addiction, Red Hot Chili Peppers) who will be the host of the show.
(Ira from Metal Church with Brian from Vicious Rumors - note the Corona's in their hands - Par-tay!!)I got into an interesting coversation with Brian, who'd toured and performed in front of 50,000 person crowds with Vicious Rumors. He was terrified by this audition. Stomach all notted up, because you were completely under a microscope in there - it's completely different than having a faceless crowd of thousands. I'm sure he did fantastic though, but it just underscored another point that is different from AI and in fact different from the first season of Rock Star. IMO too many of the people auditioning were simply not suited to what this band was most likely to become. It might not be as heavy as Metallica, because this is clearly intended for the mainstream - but it also wasn't going to be Avril Lavigne. My best guest is that this project would probably emulate the success of Velvet Revolver, which was another "supergroup" of ex-GNR and STP personel. All the people doing Christina Aguilera were missing it IMO.
(<-- Yes, the Devil really does live on Hollywood Blvd).
If people like Neal, Brian and Toreen don't get picked then I certainly won't feel bad if I don't. These guys are the Real Deal, and I expect with or without this show we'll see them again. Heck, Neal said he was going to auditioning for the band Fuel soon -- so who knows, eh?
All in all, about 370 people showed up in Hollywood, about 50 of those will be called back on Monday for secondary auditions, from there things will eventually be wittled down to the 15 people who'll be in the fishbowl of the show. One way or the other, it should be entertaining.
Vyan
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